Anatomy of a Depression

Top 10 Most Elusive Words Ever
Depression is the greatest enigma on the planet, so elusive a phenomenon it is. You’ll never know where it is or what it does, until it happens.

For instance back to our All-Dialects Grand Marathon we found that love was, incontestably the most popular word ever, the all-time top ranker. But that’s only because we hadn’t reckoned with Depression! Well, it was nowhere to be seen, which is typical of the insidious beast; it had been running in that race all along, of course. And it did cross the finish line ahead of love—but no one saw that, nor the Umpires nor the Photo Finish, because Depression is invisible, an elusive animal. Worse than the White Unicorn. No wonder it is the Most Dreaded Word in the whole Medical World, the scourge of Doctors, a nightmare to the Psychologist, as we see in Medical Meaning of Depression.So in the final analysis Love is only the official finalist, official in a sense that it alone could be seen crossing the line first. But Depression is the incontestable winner.

Depression Chicken Equivalent of Grammar
So elusive and surreptitious is Depression, you could be talking about it 50 times a day, and never realise you were talking about the same thing. For instance that word turns up everywhere, at the Service Station, when the Mechanic is checking your car, in the Weather Report, during a Flight, and so many other places; and you’ll never guess, because the elusive animal also happens to be the most versatile thing there is. It has to be a French word!
Depression is the Chicken Equivalent of Grammar, the one universal word that gets to be cooked in every sauce under the sun; and you’ll never know, of course—that’s why the French invented Sauces in the first place, to deceive the senses...

The French invented Depression
Expert Linguists fall off their chair, cursing themselves for having missed this, simple but astonishing revelation. Although, as we all know, simple is not French, so no one’s to blame. All the same, how could such a blatant fact of life bypass every Academician on the planet, elude even the most erudite among them, Statistics Experts, to this day?
Well, as you know, French does not depend on the Rules of Grammar. All the other languages do, but French is based entirely on the same rules that govern the Science of Cooking. Hence the title Depression the Chicken Equivalent of Grammar is perfectly logical and legitimate—although some may find it perfectly illogical, given that the French don’t care about grammar.