Genders in Conflict
Happiness is relative and indisputable, so no one will argue with you if you are in a jolly mood—whether you hit the Jackpot, scored a goal, got a promotion or a good night's sleep. In practical terms, however, most of us see it as the result of a relationship, when this works well enough to keep working. If it does, we get a share of Human Love, which is all we need to strive on. This parcel of affection often seems insufficient or too modest somewhat, until it starts walking away—and then you'll do anything to get it back.
We call it "human" to differentiate it from Spiritual Love, which is so different it might as well be inhuman...
Likewise, a relationship may or may not involve a boy and a girl, it could be a partnership, a friendship, etc. In a "classic sense", however, the union of a man and a woman is regarded as the basic formula for human happiness. We say "classic" because we prefer to keep an overview of history, let a million years of statistics speak for themselves. We are not discussing here what is love or who deserves it, as determined by the wisdom of any convention or Gender. We are trying to gain special insight as to what makes a relationship such a problem.
RELATIONSHIPS tend to be beautiful in the beginning. It may not be love at first sight; still, finding a match is a chance in a million, you'll be beside yourself with ecstasy, the time it takes to realise you have got yourself a mate! You could fail an exam on that day and if you lose sleep, it won't be over that... If she happens to be the girl in your dreams, you could lose a lot of money and give what's left in your pocket to someone in the street, and still walk away in euphoria.
A relationship may be declared to be in a state of problem once it is realised that this initial joy has dissipated or is turning into a perpetual conflict—which happens as soon as we find out what living together is like!...
Sharing that same space day in-day out is the only classic problem, actually, and for any kind of couple, too.
Call it COEXISTENCE, human rapports make or break at this point. They break, mostly—and mending it breaks it even better!...
We do strive for harmony—we do very little else all day long, as a matter of fact—and we cohabitate with our differences, very successfully despite contrary evidence! However, one wrong move is all it takes to mess it all up!
At home, a word out of place can instigate a divorce. As to what happens over a Conference-Table or between Diplomats, a glance could be interpreted as an insult to the bone, to be followed by a declaration of war!...
In short, relationships may be the only way to bliss, but they are so fragile as to challenge any peace of mind, in fact.
GENDER WARS are due to biological differences, basically. The predicament is as old as time and has many names, depending on where the battle takes place.
If the two biological species are arguing over the kitchen table or in a court of law, this is a Marital Conflict, and the threat to marriage takes precedence over Gender Differences as such.
If they are fighting it out in the street with loudspeakers, they are trying to rewrite some parts of history time forgot.
MAN & WOMAN make an ideal pair and can do wonderful things together, when they learn a common language. This is not a cliché, RELATING is the central problem affecting Genders—because words mean different things in each case.
In fact, every part of a "relationship" involves a process of relating to, making sense of, interpreting a meaning, translating an insinuation— which all comes down to learning a second language, or dealing with someone from another planet, often enough!...
It's that the mind is a very physical thing—not some invisible radio that produces forgettable rambling, between two meaningful acts...
THOUGHT may be unpalpable, but it doesn't take too long for it to turn into values we get up for or die defending.
GENDERS experience Values & Priorities as a concrete reality, where what appears to be a whim is in fact a part of a long-term personal investment in a way of living.
You can't say that Women like flowers because they are pretty, and then call it an exclusive Feminine Function. Boys only reject refinement for fear of becoming an idiot, all of a sudden, but that doesn't mean they prefer what's ugly!... As it happens, girls soon find out that life wouldn't be real without flowers, whereas a man has already concluded that he could live without them.
What does tend to be exclusive to the Feminine Gender is that during the war, for instance, women in the prison camps could be deprived of food for weeks on end, but they had to have fresh flowers on the table—or make them out of paper, if they couldn't get real ones!...
To be continued...
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|Author: René Blundo
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